My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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