haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
