Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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