Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
