if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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