when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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