DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
