It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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