If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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