I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
