her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
