the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
