i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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