For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
