is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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