I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
