What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
