And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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