Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
