Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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