I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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