did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
