I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
