You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize