I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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