I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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