there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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