so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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