on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
