just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
