Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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