he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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