When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
