shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
