she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
