i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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