Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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