tell your sister to shave her snatch
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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