i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
where am i from again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
