if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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