she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
