Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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