alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
