I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
