Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Small penises have feelings too.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
