no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
