I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
