i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
