i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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