Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
too bad you live with your parents still
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
