Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
