if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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