so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
