I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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