me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
