Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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