You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
