DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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